A Khmer Wedding
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Khmer weddings all have a general list of ceremonies that are performed to join a man and woman into marriage, each one believed to be related to a mythical story.
Would you let a fortune-teller have a say in choosing the date of your wedding? Are you superstitious enough to only wed on days you feel are lucky? It may sound a bit extreme to listen to a fortune-teller where your wedding is concerned, but if you are having a Khmer wedding, this is just one factor that some families consider before setting the date. While most westerners choose a date by season or location availability, Khmer families often choose a date that will bring luck and harmony for starting a new life and family.
The list of events surrounding the typical American wedding varies so drastically from couple to couple it is hard to generalize wedding traditions other than saying there is a ceremony. Some couples exchange vows and rings, some don’t. Some guest lists include hundreds of people like long lost high school friends, and some only include the two-witness minimum. And some weddings take place in a beautiful church or beach, and some take place at the Elvis Chapel in Las Vegas. Every American person’s wedding is different in style and ceremony and is culturally consistent with its inconsistencey.
Khmer weddings all have a general list of ceremonies that are performed to join a man and woman into marriage— each one believed to be related to a mythical story. Like American weddings where many decisions are based on social status and financial situation, the length of a Khmer wedding is also dependent on these things. It can last from one morning to three days to an entire week.
For the bride the universal focal point for most weddings is the attire. Most Americans choose a white dress, some even change into a second dress after the ceremony for the reception. However, where attire is concerned, Khmer weddings resemble a broadway show’s costume room more than a wedding from a limited westerner's point of view. In Khmer weddings, the bride and groom wear very colorful outfits. The colors and several outfits only add to the uniqueness of the extravaganza. A bride can even change outfits multiple times in one day. The bride can also declare the color of dress for each day if it is a longer wedding—then the guests would dress in that color only.
Khmer weddings usually begin with the groom and his family heading over to the bride’s home bearing gifts to the family as dowry. Here the friends and families are introduced, wedding rings are exchanged, and three traditional songs are used during the presentation of the dowry (Neay Pream He Kaun Kamlas—Arrival of the Groom, Chambak Rouy—Presenting the Dowry, and Pak Paeuk Pisa Sla—Inviting the Elders to Chew Betel Nut). A tea ceremony follows for Cambodians of Chinese descent, then breakfast for everyone.
Many western brides spend months choosing a wedding hairstyle and take many hair spraying and bobby pinning precautions to protect it. The thought of someone taking a pair of scissors to that shielded hairstyle during the ceremony is almost nightmarish. But in Khmer weddings one of the most important rituals performed is the hair cutting ceremony. Both the bride and groom’s hair is symbolically cut as a representation of their fresh start, beginning their new life as husband and wife. Family and friend take turns cutting the hair and giving good wishes to the couple after they have changed into traditional gold outfits. The tradition has been handed down from old times, when hair was really cut, but in more modern times a mock hair cutting is staged— so it’s possible that Khmer brides also agonize over the perfect wedding hairstyle.
The knot-tying ceremony, or the pair ceremony, is perhaps the most interesting ritual in Khmer weddings. This is when, traditionally, a bride would take the groom’s feet and wash them. But like other wedding traditions, recent times have altered the ritual to where a bride now only sprays cologne on the groom’s feet. For what is considered the most memorable part of the wedding, a priest holds the couple’s hands together and chants. After parents give blessings to the couple, they put their hands on a pillow where a sword is placed over them. Their wrists are tied together with blessing strings. A shower of palm flowers over the couple concludes the ceremony, and is usually followed by a dinner—like most American weddings.
Although Khmer weddings seem more and more like a trip to the beauty parlor with the haircuts and washing of feet, the traditions have been passed down from the old days, with each ceremony having importance and bringing good luck. While western brides wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue, Khmer brides have their own traditions of dowry, colorful costume changes, swords, and ancient good luck rituals.
Contributed by jessica_ledford
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